I am very, very sorry… for leaving you for a very long time.
At first, it was because I had already given birth.
Then my Zac died.
So my family and I took time to grieve… to rest… to find our way again.
We took enough time to just be with each other… for comfort… and assurance that we are still okay… and that we will be okay.
Even if we miss… no yearn… sometimes even desperately… for the son, the brother, that we lost.
I have to admit… I was very angry at God.
I had such a hard time accepting… understanding was there… but accepting took longer.
I couldn’t write… as much as I used to before… because writing meant focusing my thoughts… and those thoughts inevitably returned to my loss.
In the last three months, I became very, very busy.
I started working…still from home… and still teaching the children. I couldn’t find the time to read my beloved books and write on this long-ignored blog.
But I take a deep breath now… and feel my peace. Yes, I lost my son. A part of me died when he died. But I think I found my better self.
I’ve had many times of talking to the Lord… crying out to Him…venting my anger… expressing my hurt…. but through it all, I felt the Lord’s comforting peace cover me fully.
We are not yet over our grieving, not even close. But we have found a new rhythm to our lives and know that we will keep on living.
And I will keep on writing.