Remembering Zac–2nd Month Death Anniversary

Zac’s hand in mine just before he died

Last Sunday, Aug. 19, 2012, we remembered our baby Zac. It was his second month death anniversary. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of him and think of our loss. I lost so much on that fateful day of June 19. A piece of my heart and life went away with Zac when the doctor announced that his heartbeat has finally stopped.

Though I have come to accept this, I still ask God daily “Why?” Why did Zac have to die? Why my child? Why me? Why do my children have to suffer grief? Why did God plan that Gary D. and I should have to go through so much pain and heartache? Why did we have to lose our child? So many unending questions with hardly any answers.

One day as I was reading my Bible, I found this verse and it held an answer for me. It did not answer my questions specifically, but the answer from God is enough.

John 16:33 was the chapter when Jesus Christ was preparing his disciples for his coming death. This is what He tells them to encourage them. He told them the truth: that there will be trouble, trials and sorrows in this world. Then He gave an assurance, they must take heart, He has overcome the world.

I felt peace after that. Jesus knew that his death will not be lightly taken by his disciples. He was the Beloved. Though He knew that He will suffer and that He will die soon, He took time to prepare and encourage His disciples. He gave them hope.

The answer, then, to all of my “why’s” is “why not?” Sorrow, grief and suffering is a part of this world. The wonderful news is: God has overcome the world! When Zac died on that night, he went into the loving arms of God in Heaven. Zac is alive in Heaven. The time will come when we will join him there to worship the Lord together. In the meanwhile, despite my grieving heart, I choose to keep moving on, always grateful for every day that He gives us.